Pengi

Today we had to say farewell to yet another good friend. Her name was Olea also known as Pengi. She was last in a line of amazing felines and we will never see their like again. Oleand(father), Sesha(brother), and Olea. We love you all. You touched all of our lives with humor, love,and more friendship than anyone could have expected from cats.

Morality and Me

As I have stated previously, I am looking for a new dog to bring into my home. Wow, what a ride that has been. Between adoption applications and consulting breeders, my feelings and opinions have waxed and waned more than the tide. My grandfather had a border collie that I adored as a child and ever since I have been somewhat obsessed with the breed. I came to the decision that that was the breed for me. I love them and always have and dammit I want one. I poured over books and websites, talked to my grandfather,rescue workers, my closest friends,and a breeder.

I went from wanting a rescue to considering a purebred dog of akc lineage. I continue to ask myself why? and what am I doing? Am I insane right now?(duh)

Admittedly, I got my hopes up on this puppy at a rescue and subsequently had my little childhood feelings hurt when another family was awarded better home for said dog. I was frustrated and said "to hell with it! I can go to a breeder! every dog needs a good home!" This is all true. I don't know if that is what I want. I do not know that I could morally handle not saving a little guy/gal from a foster home situation and contributing to the people that work so hard to help the animals I claim to love.

I have attempted to analyze my motivations for the particular breed. My grandparents home represents (especially in the era of Barney the border collie) the pinnacle of my childhood happiness. And my grandfather has such a magical relationship with his animals. I figured that was a great place to adopt a dog from.

Visually, the breeder's puppy that I have considered is everything I wanted. Black and white, beautiful coat. Most important is the right dog. No matter what the breed or situation. I just don't want to make a blind decision. If he is the right dog, none of this matters. Yes, I have to meet him to know. But, I still have this moral dilemma and questions about my internal process. Fortunately for me, puppies seem to be abundant. I also do not want this to be a reaction to what could have subconsciously been a big rejection to me from the first rescue I applied with. I know, I'm complicated. Part of me felt like a little kid and was yelling "I just want a dog!'

One of the nicest things my parents ever did for me was taking me to a shelter where I got my first dog. His name was Prince and he looked like someone had shrunk a black lab and gave him a longer coat. When I moved out of my parents house I left him behind. I was 17 and knew my road was uncertain and felt like I could not provide for him. That thought wells up feelings of guilt although I still feel like I made the right decision for him. When I would visit my parents after that he would sit on my lap and complain about it but he loved them. He used to run so fast I would call him a hockey puck because you could barely see him. I walked in the shelter and back to his cage and it was love at first sight. My mom and I picked him up the next day. He was 9months old and had been surrendered by his family because they were moving to a non dog location. He was so smart. I never had to train him. He just "got" things. The rivalry between him and my dad was comical. He would roll on my dad's clean white clothes or pee on them. He would sneak in their room at night and roll around under his half of the bed which always woke him up. But when he got so old he couldn't walk or remember to come home and they had to put him down, it broke my father's heart. I still remember him looking at me over his shoulder from his cage in the kennel. He had only arrived the day before.

In all fairness, I must explore every possibility and not close my heart because of some silly expectations. And I mean that in every direction. But I think I have my answer.