The next day

I began writing these things a few days ago so I will be making multiple posts from the last few days. This is without any type of form. It is simply me emoting and attempting to work through my feelings etc.

Yesterday should have been titled the attack of melancholy. Not in the proper sense but the common. Or I could have titled it My Life as a Zombie. There is no doubt in my mind that I am depressed. If yesterday was a color it would have been monochromatic grey. Today however seems a bit lighter. Including my extreme lack of sleep. I will take this as a good sign. Silly me. The uncomfortable pain is always beside me. The Elgar cello concerto is probably not the best musical choice for today. Insecurity at times attempts to isolate me. I worry so much that I am annoying my closest friends and loved ones. As if they are secretly judging me. Telling me in their heads to get over it or they think I am just foolish. Fortunately for me I have people in my life that are willing to be honest. I think I want to be happy today and not have my outlook rimmed with .... anger, bitterness, general discontent. Take your pick. I think I look like Durer's angel as i sit here hunched over my notebook, pen in hand shoved against my face. I have a constant undercurrent of emotion. It's like a river or stream running close to the edge of the bank threatening to run over at any minute.